Practicing Significance

Glorifying God by fulfilling your own unique purposes through the never-ending

action of acquiring, using, and sharing diverse resources.

Planning for the Inevitable

“I’ve never died before, so I’m not sure if I know how to do it.”  Judith Viorst

“The graveyards are full of indispensable men.” Charles De Gaulle

“The thing about death, though, is that it eliminates so many options.”   Tom Robbins

“Death is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.”   Dr. Scott E. Smith

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”   Woodie Allen

Introduction

If you died tomorrow, what tasks will you wish you had done? What will your spouse wish you had done? Your children? Your estate executor?  These tasks will probably not include a round of golf, an unfinished book, or even a honey-do around the house.  Other Practicing Significance lessons deal with financial aspects of dying.  This lesson deals specifically with other actions which can be taken.  Fortunately, none of the actions in this lesson cost money!  After this lesson is over, consider working with your spouse, parents, and children to bring them into the process of planning for the inevitable for you and for them.

One aspect of stewardship should greatly affect your thoughts on Estate Planning and Planning for the Inevitable: God chose you to be the trusted steward of all your diverse mental, physical, and financial resources. During your life you are to increase, use, and share these resources. Upon your death, the mental resources you haven’t shared will disappear, as will many of your physical resources. Upon your death, the remaining physical resources and all of your financial resources will be turned over to new stewards. As the final act of your being a good steward, you should be very careful about choosing your successor stewards. I envision a scene when God says, “You were a good and faithful servant while alive, but what were you thinking when you carelessly turned over my resources to your wasteful child? Why didn’t you teach your spouse how to take care of my resources? Why did you let the government confiscate them through taxes you could have avoided?”

Finishing the Race

One overall goal of a significant life is to go to Heaven and to help others do the same.  If you have not taken the proper steps to receive the free gift of salvation, please do so now!  Without reaching this goal, all of your other actions will be for naught.  If you do not know how to receive salvation, talk with a trusted Christian friend, meet with a preacher, read “The Purpose Driven Life”, write me an e-mail…do something now!   Taking this action will be the most important thing you can do for yourself, your spouse, and your children.

A Love Letter

When my father-in-law, Dick Carter, died from an unexpected heart attack, we found that he had left a love letter to his life-long mate.  He had been working on the letter for years to make sure it was perfect.  He knew that she would read it many times and that it would be important in minimizing her grief and suffering.  Many of the relatives read the letter and marveled at his love for her.  Even years later, she read that letter (along with other more romantic letters) and knew how much he had cared.  This love letter consisted of a detailed list of all of their financial and legal dealings, and had detailed instructions to her and the executor of his estate on what to do after Dick was no longer there.  The letter along with an organized set of files minimized her grief and suffering from factors which could be controlled.

In their book, “Wealth to Last”, Larry Burkett and Ron Blue have a wonderful discussion about such love letters.  They strongly recommend that you obtain the workbook “Set Your House In Order” from Crown Financial Ministry at 888-972-7696 or www.crown.org.  This workbook is a fill-in-the-blank form for all critical information.  In this workbook and in other letters and files, you should document information, locations, advice and instructions concerning:

· Your will and trust documents

· Any company benefits

· Bank accounts and safe deposit boxes

· Veteran benefits and military history data

· Life insurance policies and named beneficiaries

· Funeral instructions (including cremation or burial preference). The average cost of a funeral is $6,000. Leave some instructions on how this should be paid. Expenses can be reduced by cremation, the choice at nearly one-third of all deaths.

· Pension accounts

· Annuities

· All investments and income

· All Real Estate

· Tax information and previous returns

· All legal documents

· All financial and legal advisors

· All debts and loans to others

· Personal property, hobbies, and valuables

· Keys and computer passwords

If the above list looks daunting to you, think how unbelievably difficult it will be to obtain for a grieving spouse or uninformed executor.  The grief and suffering of your spouse cannot be prevented – the suffering from not having the above readily available can easily be prevented.  It would be a very good idea to share the love letter with another person or two, even in a sealed file, just so someone knows of its existence.

Once this love letter is completed, it can easily be updated.  I would recommend that you and your spouse plan to update it at least every year.  In fact, why not set an annual date to update the information and then celebrate by taking a few days away together?

Update Your Beneficiaries

In the Practicing Significance lesson on Estate Planning, it was made clear that having a will is a high priority. However, a will does not govern how the proceeds of IRA’s and insurance policies will be paid. Beneficiary designations do! Accordingly, whenever conditions dictate, you must update all beneficiaries. Remember, beneficiary designations override a will.

End of Life Care

End of life care is emerging as a pressing issue because of limited health care resources and concerns about legal, ethical, and religious issues. Recent publicized cases are spurring new efforts to promote the use of living wills (specific instructions about care) and medical powers of attorney (naming a person to make medical decisions on your behalf). These two types of advance directives are allowed by all fifty states, but only about 25% of adults have them. Even so, in difficult situations the directives cannot be located about one-third of the time. I highly recommend that you obtain these documents and have hard discussions with your loved ones far in advance. For more information:

· National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization. (703) 837-1500. www.nhpco.org.

· Last Acts Partnership. (800) 989-9455. www.lastactspartnership.org.

· Cornell Medical College. (860) 828-2976. www.fidelitywisdomandlove.org.

 The crushing emotional roller coaster that all patients and loved ones experience is overwhelming. Rather than trivialize the process, we recommend reading such books as On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.

Cross-training

Most athletes and people who exercise find it beneficial to cross-train.  For instance, I do cardio-vascular workouts five times a week on three different machines, then weight workouts three days a week for upper body, and two days a week for lower body.  I don’t like to do the weights because the cardio work is much easier for me, but I force myself to do it because it is good for me.  In a similar way, most marriage partners should do more cross-training.  For instance, it is common for husbands and wives to divide responsibilities such as letting the husband take care of financial matters and the outside household chores, while the wife handles all the social events and the inside household matters.  This division of labor may work very well during the marriage, and even after retirement, especially if the spouses are exceptionally talented at their responsibilities.  However, it can be disastrous upon the death or severe disability of one spouse.  Imagine an uninformed spouse taking charge of a complex stock portfolio and trading strategy or taking charge of a specialized diet and medicine schedule.  The very fears and reasons that cause the division of labor are the very reasons why cross-training should occur.  I recommend that spouses take time to discuss and define their critical responsibilities and then start including the other spouse as decisions are made and actions are taken.  These could include:  meetings with financial and legal advisors, meetings with doctors, investment decisions, retirement plan choices, and trips to grocery and drug stores.  Not only will the other spouse become better able to take care of critical matters, but also the closer communication can reduce fears, improve communication, and result in better decisions. 

Decisions after the Death of a Spouse

What to do after the death of a spouse?  Grieve.  Most experts recommend that after the death of a spouse no major decisions be made for at least one year.  If the above preparations are made and the estate planning documents are in order, it is likely that no major decisions will be needed.  Although pressure may be exerted by a child or financial advisor or well-meaning friends, no major decisions should be made.  If the spouses have discussed this concept ahead of time, it will be much easier to do.

Nonetheless, upon the death of a spouse there are a multitude of actions which need to be taken.  As a start, order at least ten copies of the death certificate from the funeral home. Next, inform the executor of the estate, and prepare to hire lawyers and accountants if necessary. From “Wealth to Last” other actions include:

· Filing a claim for all life insurance policies

· Contacting the local Social Security office to claim survivor and death benefits for the surviving spouse and minor children.

· If the spouse was a veteran, contact the Veterans Administration to learn about and claim benefits for the spouse and dependent children.

· Change title information on autos, houses, and accounts.

· Contact the current and former employer’s of the deceased spouse to determine potential benefits.

· Contact the banks to do the necessary paperwork for all accounts and safety deposit boxes.

Conclusion

There is nothing pleasant about death.  However, many unnecessary burdens can be eliminated by proper planning and communication.  Show your loved ones how much you really care by making the process as dignified and seamless as possible.

Additional Resources

“Wealth to Last”, by Larry Burkett and Ron Blue

Crown Financial Ministry  888-972-7696   www.crown.org

“The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Wills and Estates”, by Stephen Maple

National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization 703-837-1500 www.nhpco.org

Last Acts Partnership 800-989-9455 www.lastactspartnership.org

Cornell Medical College 860-828-2976 www.fidelitywisdomandlove.org